Have you ever bought a really fancy journal, at the end of a year, lured by Instagram ads and influencers, in the quest to be better the following year? Have you wanted to change your habits because you know, there are parts of you, you don't particularly adore? Have you also considered sticking to a routine but failed miserably to keep up with your own word? Well, guess what? I have. After doing all of the aforementioned and more to establish my very staunch patterns, I come to thee, a year later, and refuse to promise myself to write everyday, again. Instead, I'd like to pen down anything and everything I am feeling, whenever I want or feel like it. I have understood that even though I have allowed myself to commit blunder over blunder, I haven't truly had fun in the process - I have been absurdly hard to the child in me, trying to make it do everything all at once. I realise I am no Lenka, because Lenka is all about having fun- and here, I am, telling my boyfriend every night, just how vulnerable and unqualified I feel, at the end of every day. I'd like to stop doing that. I'd like to stop feeling that. Another year has passed. Time is truly fucking linear and funnily, we find ourselves living in three dimensions all at once. A time that was, a time that will be and the time that I'm wasting on this theory right now. I've realised I can be a really funny person- maybe, not with comebacks, because it really requires quick thinking but just when I write, funny in passing. Maybe that's the thing about fortes; you have only one or two. I don't know why I gave up on writing. It's such a release. Wouldn't compare it with a queef, but a good release for sure. I think I considered writing again after a reader reminded me of this website's existence. External validation. Ah, what the world thrives on! I wouldn't want to believe I just said that but I did. Everyone needs a little lovin' from an absolute stranger on the inter web. That's when we feel powerful; absolutely lonely yet powerful. Maybe I need to have a better chain of thoughts so I can articulate what I'm feeling better. Or, maybe I should just consider it a morning boner. It always shoots up, every single morning. What you do with it, is upto you. That's what they say about lemons too. I guess, ultimately, it comes down to choices. And, right now, I choose to let my thoughts flow. I just ate a bowl of fruit. Apples. I have no idea why I just wrote that. Anyway, it was fun to catch up. Help your boner, will you? Good day to ya,
Srishti